You know, I think a lot of people fear speaking the truth because they’re afraid of being misunderstood. Personally, my fear comes from worrying the other person won’t even try to understand. And it’s true. In most recent conversations I’ve had, people don’t care to understand; they just want to say their piece and leave it at that. Almost like they just want to win. But that’s not really a conversation, is it? It’s just a waste of time. If I can’t understand where you’re coming from, how can I even disagree with you, let alone agree? Maybe that’s why my biggest trigger is being misunderstood. I hate it.

Last night, Rejiro came back home and called out to see if I was around, something we’ve always done as roommates, It’s just a habit at this point. When I came out to the living room, we talked about our day, and he mentioned something surprising—marrying his girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I believe you should not date someone unless you see a future with the person, but they’ve only been together for about three months. Plus, she’s messy too. Not that it’s my business or my decision to make, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Studies even show that couples with mismatched organizational habits often experience higher stress and misunderstandings. So, I’m just speaking from what I know.

But his reason was what got me: “I’m at the age now where I should be married.” I asked him more about that.

From a young age, I got why society has certain “checkpoints” in life to measure if we’re on the “right track,” but I’ve never believed in all of them. So what if… I don’t have a high school diploma? Or I choose to pack up my life and move across the world for no reason? What even is failing at life?

Who decided we have to be married before 40? For women, people often cite fertility risks. Scientists say fertility declines significantly after 35, as women are born with a finite number of eggs, which reduce in quality over time. But even so, who says we have to have kids at all? Frankly, I think we should consider adoption more often if people want that responsibility. There are so many children already here, waiting for love. But many seem to only want “a little me” running around, which feels somewhat narcissistic or ignorant. It’s as if people don’t question why they want children; it’s just what they’re supposed to do.

Anyway, I asked him why he thought he ‘should,’ and he kept giving me the same reasons you hear everywhere: “the right age,” “leaving a legacy,” and “adding purpose” to his life. I laughed. Not at him, but at how his words reminded me of something a person I knew once said about being “slaves to dead men.” She was talking about traditions and culture, and I could see her point. Just because people from 200 years ago said we should do things a certain way, we all keep doing them. Marry young, stick to the norms, don’t question the system. Sometimes it feels like we’re just dead men walking. That’s what made me snicker, and it must have offended him.

Rejiro said I was dismissive of anything that didn’t align with my own beliefs. I tried to explain that my laughter wasn’t at him and that I only wanted him to ask himself why he feels he “should” do certain things. Was this really his own thought process or just outside pressure? But he still thought I was insulting his decision. I wasn’t.

This is why I listen more than I talk. Not because I’m a good listener or I care too much what people have to say, but because I value peace. Every time I contribute honestly to a conversation, I’m misunderstood. Maybe this is why I’m not in a relationship. Peace of mind sometimes feels more honest than the risk of being misunderstood.